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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Oh Hanukah, Oh Hanukah

Hanukkah is upon us which means the opportunity to initiate fire hazards are here. Fire up the oil and burn some potatoes. Maybe deep fry a donut. Set a small mini fire on the dining room table with candles. Which by the way was one of my favorite activities as a budding childhood pyromaniac--don't worry my "career" essentially consisted of lighting packs of matches in the yard and occasionally blowing up a GI Joe figurine with firecrackers. But Hanukkah was the time that we children were allowed embrace our inner pyro and set fire to something inside the house.....and then receive a present. It's the best time of year.

We are not introducing EGB to fire just quite yet. But the other day one of her 40lb soiled diapers was on the verge of spontaneous combustion before I threw it out the window in the snow. That's another blog entry all together.

EGB has gracefully embraced Hanukkah....which isn't saying much as EGB would likely embrace a prison inmate with a stuffed animal and jarred carrots. Regardless, since EGB is the oldest of all her cousins she has put together "The EGB Guide To Present Opening". It's an elaborate in-depth look at how a baby should open presents.

1st--Pretend that you can read the card. Adults like for you to appear that you know what you're doing.

2nd--Acknowledge that you have read the card by stuffing it in your mouth. If mommy and daddy aren't looking, be sure to lick the paper for any potential milk residue.

3rd--Put present in mouth and soften up paper with saliva. Avoid stickers and tape.
4th--Once paper is soft enough tear apart and put gift in mouth. Don't worry if it's edible or not--that's what parents are for. Never pass up the opportunity to sneak something in the mouth.
5th--Express happiness with gift. If it's an article of clothing place in front of your body to show off.
6th--Take remaining wrapping paper and make a yarmulke.

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