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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Fall Hiking With Wild Baby Wonderful

The seasons are changing. The leaves are changing. The diapers are changing....not by themselves, but with our trusty hands. This wasn't always the case. After several "accidentally" loosely applied diapers in the middle of the night to only find a toxic waste dump in the morning and an updated tutorial/scolding from the Dairy Queen I've managed to get the baby bottom wrapping down tight. I'm confident now that I could diaper a mouse, monkey, and a raisin if needed. FYI-Diaper makers. You must have taken a page out of the "Now You Are A New Parent and Must Figure Things Out On Your Own" lesson plan. No instructions on the diapers? Come on. Help a brother out. Maybe I'll start a revolutionary product called -Diapers With Instructions--Helping keep babies and moms from blowing up on men since 2008.

Moving along...We took cousin Calvin, the human milk pump aka EGB, and our semi-grown selves hiking. Let me just say this-hiking with an infant is different from hiking without one. Suffice to say, this is the general rule for all activities as of late, but hiking presented some unique challenges. First of all, contrary to my expectations--EGB can't walk, levitate, or fly....yet. Therefore, she needs to be strapped into a holding device that is loaded with pads, straps, and fabric--much like my high school prom date. Unlike my prom date, EGB is 25" tall and must be carried for the entire hike. Which essentially eliminates the "hiking" part of the hike.

However, even though EGB's face was smushed in between the Dairy Queen's "milk dispensers" for 3 hours, and that she cried for the first mile and half while sleeping for the remaining 3 miles....she seems to enjoy the great outdoors. She is a friend to bears, lions, and trees.

Off we go. Locked, strapped, and restrained.

Pit stop--reload on milk. Fill er up.
Calvin--the first son and hiker extraordinaire.

The aspens are changing EGB. Wake up. Yoo Hoo....see the leaves? ok then, sleep away.


Saturday Trips To The Market

For the past two Saturdays, I've been letting the Dairy Queen sleep in while I spend some quality time with the milk monster. I once called this "babysitting" but was swiftly corrected by the mommy-hood coalition of the world that this is NOT babysitting which is a paid service provided by neither the mother or father. Since I've yet to see any compensation for my services, I guess I'm not babysitting. I'm actually spending quality time with my daughter who seems happy with my services so far...for free.

We've been heading over to the Golden farmers market which actually has only 3 farmers and I think only 2 of them actually farm. The 3rd looks like they hijacked a Safeway truck and are peddling the goods, black market style. I say this because at farmers markets I always creep around back of the booths to see the boxes that the produce comes in....sometimes it's in Spanish--which usually means something I don't understand. So I don't think they're farm fresh goods from Mexico. Also, there are doughnut stands, taco booths, cookies, and painted wine glasses which have all perplexed me as fitting in as farmed goods.

Regardless, with the Farmers market analysis aside, the place has been a hit. After doing 5 laps and purchasing a muffin, sampling salsas/cream cheese/apples/peaches/doughnuts, and avoiding the sun, we walk along the creek until EGB doo-doos or throws some kind of fit. Then we walk over to the car, change out of the soiled gear, and roll home to get a topper on some milk for the morning.

Hmmm. I'm not sure if I should get the raspberry scone or organic milk. Papa, I'll take some warm milk, please.

Sitting on the park bench with all my friends...wait, where my friends? Gotta pop that collar though.
Happy to be out of that dang car restraining system. Jeez, I hope the next president frees the strapped babies everywhere.
Freeeeee Meeeeee!
This market is wild.




Watch Out...It's An Upright Baby

You know what they say, "Once a baby is upright. They can sit up without support of their neck and stare at inanimate objects for a really long time." Oh, how right they are. We got this new "chair" which is basically a spongy booster seat. I think it's made in S. Africa where they obviously are known for making baby toys and carjackings. Regardless, EGB loves the the seat and spends approximately 15 minutes in it staring at Calvin before she falls forward and tries to eat the arm of the seat.

Ooooh hooo. This seat is sweet.


Calvin! Stop tickling my toes!! If I could get out of this seat I'd spank you.

Fee Fi Fo Fum......
I'm a gangster. Don't make me shake my rattle at you.
These toys stink. I'm think I'm gonna gnaw on my finger now.



Monday, September 22, 2008

The Latest and Greatest

Here we are coming up on 4 months in the wild world of EGB. Some things have changed--social life (none), knowledge of breast pumps (lots), sleep (nope), laundry (buy new socks instead of washing), camera batteries (many times), and wife (now mother).

Some things have not--hair (EGB still has none), Bengals (still suck), undying love and devotion to EGB (tested, but still strong), job (still have one), and fatherhood (still not moved to Mexico).

It's a highly recommended experience. EGB could be one of the happiest babies I've ever seen. I only know a few and EGB is a legend. Still no job, but I believe that once she learns how to read she will be the Chairman of The Federal Reserve and lead us all out of financial crisis. Just my intuition.

Sometimes I take a picture, look at it, and go "Wow, is that really my offspring?". Look at this googly-eyed milk monster....Hide your children--EGB is coming to swallow your eggs.

Hee Hee. Do you think if I chew on my finger long enough milk will come out?
This is what EGB looks like when you wake her up with a camera in her face. Not very nice of me, but damn funny to see that confused face. Notice the crib burn on the left cheek from the constant 360s on the sheets. I'm wondering if there would be a market for my new invention, "Cheek Guards" to protect the sensitive cheeks of babies? Any interest? Venture Capital? I've got other ideas....

I'm so happy I'm gonna slap you.
Um....Papa D? Are you sure you know how to change a diaper? You just put diaper ointment in my ear.
I'm reading about psychedelic chickens who walk in the woods talking to trees. Far out. Legalize all milk products!
Calvin getting the basket all warmed up for EGB. I think at times he's not sure about our new addition to the pack. To reassure him that he's the man--I still tell him that he's our first son. The furry son. The Dairy Queen tells EGB that Calvin is her brother. I disagree, my research indicates that he's really a cousin....on his mother's side. That's the side that came through Ellis Island. Russian. They tend to be hairy.





Friday, September 19, 2008

Ellie vs. Calvin Video

It's video time! Just realized we have over 80 short clips on our video camera and are running out of room. Now I've just got to figure out how to save all the videos and we can create more. I have a feeling I'll be uploading some more videos in the near future.

This video is awesome. Ellie goes into her classic back-to-tummy roll (always on the left)....then is greeted by Calvin the Facecleaner. Then there are tears, bloodshed, family drama...

See for yourselves....It's a tale of tragedy, triumph, violence, and love. Like a Lifetime Channel movie..or the markets these days.

video

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Rocky Bal-Bohrman Goes To Atlanta

EGB and The Dairy Queen went Atlanta to meet great-grandma Verla! EGB got her robe on and ready to protect great-grandma from any ninjas or giants. Mission accomplished.

We're coming up on 4 months in the wild world of EGB. Life has changed dramatically. Jay and I had our 2nd anniversary which was really like a discussion regarding who turn it was to change a diaper. Let's just say that our own milestones are secondary to EGB and her triumphs. We're better people for this priority shift.....but, if anyone wants to come out and babysit so we can party like it's 1999, we're game. Come. Please come. Help!!!!!

The Eye of The Tiger! Who wants some of this?!? Huh? You?!? No? That's what I thought. Now leave me alone...unless, I'm crying and then you gotta get me some diapers and milk.
Grandma! You messin up my pre-fight routine. I can't look soft with you cuddling me..put me back in the lion's den.
I'm down! Count to 10. I'm out! 3 cold milks please.
Great Grandma Verla loves me. I love her too! She told me stories about when milk was free and diapers grew on trees. Wow.
The stalwarts of the female industry here!.....4 Generations deep...



Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The 3 Month Workout Routine

The activity mat is still in effect. The activity du jour is rolling over. Now, I realize in a previous post I alluded to the fact that EGB could fully rotate. I was wrong. She can only do 180s. At this point she's like a broken rotisserie that only spins halfway and stops. She's perfected the classic back-to-tummy manuever, but has yet to figure out the complete rotation. So this requires a parental flip of the baby every 10 minutes so she doesn't get overly frustrated. Speaking of frustration...For some reason EGB likes to practice this new trick a 3 AM. Now that's frustrating. But I suppose it could be worse. EGB could learn how to drive, knock off an ice cream shop, and call me from a police station in Miami...now that would be worse. I'll deal with the rolling over.


Happy to be on the back. Getting some rest to start roll over marathon.

Eye of the tiger. Gotta stay focused on the prize. Not sure what it is, but I'm focused.


Hey little butterfly. Can you tell me how to roll back over to my back?

Aaaargh! I'm a vicious grass eater. Daddy, take me out and I'll mow the lawn with my gums.
Hey. How do I get this out of my mouth?
Getting tired. Getting a little stressed. Gonna suck on my finger and regroup. I think need someone to roll me over..

Calvin! Get over here and clean my face with yo stanky tongue.









Monday, September 8, 2008

And The Season Begins....

Ok, by now if you've checked the box scores you know that the beloved Cincinnati Bengals lost the opener to the Baltimore Ravens. Now, that's nothing new as the Bengals have been losing for.....oh...about 20 years. But for my Baltimore family who were rooting for the opposition today....you made EGB cry. Sleep on that.


We dressed up in preparation for the opening game today in all our Bengal regalia to show our support in hopes that dressing a 13 week old baby in Colorado will have an affect on the game in Baltimore. What, you say? "You're raising EGB to be a Bengals fan?!?!" "You're going to subject her to a life of misery?!!" "Pain?!?!" "Victimization, Shame, Embarrassment?!?!" I know...but before you call Child Protective Services on the grounds of child endangerment, please hear me out. I want to teach EGB that nothing in life is easy. Trials and tribulations are what help define us as people. Being a Bengals fan is an affliction of biblical proportions. She must overcome. Plus I need someone to eat chicken wings with and drink a beer (in 21 years) with on Sundays.

Game time. Lets go Bengals. If you don't win I'm gonna poop.


Starting Outside Linebacker..... Hailing from The University of Little Feet...Number 1 EGB!


Touchdown Bengals! Where's the halftime snacks? How about a milk break? Milkboy!

Who Dey! Who Dey! Who Dey!

Long game. I'm gonna cry now. Nap time for all. Get em next week.




Saturday, September 6, 2008

Da. Da. Daaa! Introducing a New Legend!

Welome to the wild world, Isaac Alexander Bohrman Mulcahey!! See if you can say that quickly 6 times in a row without your head exploding or your tongue vaporizing. Hailing from the great Windy City of Chicago we welcome you. We are excited to have our 1st nephew, 1st cousin for EGB, and 1st male legend on the Bohrman side. Congrats to sis Rebecca and awesome brother-in-law Dave on their rock-solid addition to the Midwest. Looks like he's gonna be a champion.


"Welcome Cuzin Isaak". I'm EGB. I'm your cuz. I've got some advice for you. Scream when you are hungry. Scream when you got a dirty diaper. Scream when you want to party. When all else fails scream. If you have any questions just page me. I hope you get a blog so we can blog it up together. When you and I get older I plan to show you how to sneak out of the house and terrorize the neighbors.
I'm Isaac. I'm contemplating how to order some deep dish pie up in here. However, I'll settle for hot milk with a side of cookies.

I got shoe-socks like my cuz EGB. I'm all muscle too! Can't wait to meet everyone...

Hot Dang! Got me some feet!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Mixed Pics

We got back from Buffalo to discover that EGB can fully roll over now. Its hilarious because it takes her 30 minutes to do a full rotation and when she's on her belly her head sways like Stevie Wonder. I saw her do 2 rotations, in which she worked herself to exhaustion. I'm trying to catch it all on video, but it takes too long. Now we're working on walking. The whole crawling thing first is really not necessary. Baby boot camp is in session.


This has nothing to do with EGB other than the fact that we were at Niagara Falls and EGB was creating Niagara Falls in her diaper.
I like this pic. It puts it all in perspective. I hope to guide her though life and know that she won't be able to hold my hand like this forever. By the way, notice the empty bag of light cheddar puffs in the background? Crushed the whole bag. "Light Cheddar Puffs" are no Cheetos.
Laughing it up on the hammock. I realized that the reason EGB is always laughing when I take a picture is because I must be funny looking. Maybe I need a haircut.
Hiding from you and that big dog that always licks me with his funky tongue.
Getting colder out here....time to break out the body suits.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Welcome Home Folks!

After being away from EGB for a wedding for the weekend, there were general concerns if our child would remember us. She thankfully did and told us all about her weekend with Jaden, the super-friend/nanny/nurse aka baby event planner. Ellie did more with her in 3 days then she's done with us in her whole life. EGB said it was a sweet time and is looking forward to some relaxation time with her parents. Hopefully we can get some pics of what happened when we were gone for all to see.

Welcome home Mom and Dad! Lets Par-Tay...

I love you so much I'm gonna bite your cheek.
Check to cheek. Gotta stay warm.
Cuddling is for sissies, you gotta bite something. EGB is a now a vicious toothless Piranha. Good thing she doesn't have teeth or Jay would be nose-less and cheek-less.