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Friday, February 4, 2011

Is it 2011?

For a second there, I thought all the civil unrest in Egypt was a protest against the lack of content on this blog.  I turn on the news with groggy eyes and see this blurry, "EG...."  People chanting.  Holding up signs.  Thankfully, they weren't rioting against me.  However, it's still a dire situation over there and as always the great EGB sends a message of peace and love to all the citizens of the world.  Especially the ones under 3 feet.

Side note--when a child turns two they are half their adult height.  I don't really have much to say about this other than by this projection, EGB's hair will not fit in a standard vehicle as an adult.  She may need to move to warmer climes and drive a convertible.  Sometimes I feel bad for her combs.  They had no idea what they were getting into coming to our house.  It's kinda like a Turkish prison for combs around here.

So now it's Febuary 2011.  Damn, that's a slap in the face.  2011 just started running away.  I guess that's the way it all goes.  I'm going to try to catch up a bit here.

So, 2010 ended up pretty sweet.  We went to Montana and got the junior shredder on some skis.  This all theoretically makes sense--child can walk, stand up, next it must be time to ski.  I'm not sure if I recommend this or not.  It feels like a possible moment where parents prematurely project their wishes for a child's desires prior to the child's ability to know what the hell is going on.  First of all, it takes an hour to get the 200 layers of gear on the kid.  An hour doing nothing to a two year old is the adult equivalent to a 5 day meeting with your company human resources department about your short-term disability policy.  It's disturbing.  Then you gotta get to the mountain.  Then you have to carry the marshmallow to the slopes.  Then you gotta put the skis on.  By then I'm sweating and haven't even put my boots on. Harness on. Helmet on. People are fussing over EGB like she's J-Lo....I felt like a team commissioned to get this celebrity ready for the red carpet.  Then we have the peptalk, "This is fun!"  "Fun, right?" "Going to be soooo fun!".  Almost like we needed to convince ourselves that it was FUN!  Because you sure as hell don't need to tell a two year old what fun is--they can figure that out on their own.

I couldn't tell if EGB was into it because she had goggles, helmets, gloves, shields, water, insurance papers, phones, cameras, straps, snacks, and various other weapons.  She was ready.  I'm not sure if she was more ready for a nap or skiing, but there was no turning back at that point.  We piled on the magic carpet and up the hill we went.  We got loosened up and then went for the big lift.  That was fun...going up.  Going down was a different story.  Let's just say we did some carrying of a two year old off the mountain. It went something like this:

Hold on to anything.
 Can we go to the top now?  I got a need for speed.
 This is my crew.  They primp me and keep the groupies away.
 Heyyyyy girls.  I'm shreddin.
 Whoah.  Is that hot chocolate?  I'm out.
 Take me for a walk like a doggie.
 I guess I like it.  My friends are never going to believe this.
 Sledding might be more my thing.  I like to chill.
 Grandpa showing his moves from when he was on the Japanese luge team in '53.
 This is the best part of it all.  Presents.  What!  You shouldn't have.
 Ok then.  I'm opening this baby to see what the goods are.
 It's my own shopping cart.  I'm taking this to the grocery to get my shop on.
Yall need some milk?
Up next.  Videos.  Dance classes.  The mission to end thumb sucking.  New Years resolutions.  And 2012.  It will be here to body slam you soon enough.  Hang tight and don't be afraid.  Rock this weekend for us.