It's weird around here. By weird, I mean it's just me. That's weird. For example, right now I'm sitting in my basement at 5:30 AM with the I-Tunes cranking, a button down on--only buttoned at the top, boxers, and two mismatched socks (one of which I wore yesterday). There are dishes in the sink....obviously mine. Next to me is my ratty dog, fat cat, and an empty camouflage (hunting version) Miller High Life can which has doubled as my water bottle for two days.
Yesterday, I came home from work. Ate 1/4 of a leftover burrito from Saturday, took a bite out of some chicken in the fridge, and looked in the pantry at least 300 times before 6 PM. I opened the fridge door every time I walked by. I spent the next hour debating whether to order pizza or eat leftovers. Then I realized that I had pizza for lunch so I went to a buffet by myself. For the record, if you ever want to feel weirder then you already feel--go to a buffet by yourself. It's entertaining, scary, maddening, and hilariously elating (in a Dr. Strangelove kind of way). I don't recommend it unless you want to want to be up all night with visions of Chud-like steam tables with attacking mashed potatoes with a sidekick of over-gelatinous mac-and-cheese.
Maybe that's all not so weird to you. But to me, there is a chaotic orderly-ness about life post-EGB. There is a constant gravitational pull to the life of EGB that forces us stay in the orbital universe of toddler-dom. There is no escape. Not in a harrowing Sartre way--more like you're trapped in a modified Chuck-E-Cheese with an open bar, good pizza, endless crispy fries, friends abound, and all the non-stop bleeps, beeps, and farts of games and children. It's constant. It's always entertaining. But escapes have to be calculated and planned......and you never really can leave the building.
In reality being here without EGB and DQ just didn't feel right. There was a sense of anxiety about the whole thing. How was I to maximize this free time? Should I write a book? Or watch a movie? Eat something else? Go running? Read? Pet the neglected dog? The "freedom" is maddening. Everything I did was shrouded by the thoughts that I could be doing something more free. The daydreams of blissfully being productive in all the projects/activities/events that I had neglected over the past 17 months never manifested. I thought I'd be much cooler about the whole thing. I wasn't. I basically swept the floor, ate food, and thought about the next call I could make to hear the missed pip-squeaks of EGB. It was like the pause button was hit on life.
Welcome to my head.
Actually, it wasn't so bad. I got to hang with some old friends. Eat leisurely meals. Watch uninterrupted football. Go for runs in the mountains without time constraints. It all zips by anyways. But most importantly, I realized the hum (and sometimes bang) of life with EGB and DQ is the sound that keeps me inspired and alive.
I'm ready to go make some noise. I'm ready to see EGB and DQ.
Happy Thanksgiving to all. We are very thankful. We are soon to be full. And we are all, all that we have. So thanks for being in our world.
Cue the beats....It's picture time.
This is my snow outfit. It only takes 4 days to put it on. Usually the snow is gone by then. This is dumb.
This is my French scarf. I love the French. They have coffee breath, but good toast.
Me and Nanna hangin.
It's a perfect world where animals frolic in the sun. EGB is coming to bring peace to your world soon.
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