Slackin' on the Bloggin'

Yup. Wayyyyy behind in this blog thing. The good news is that EGB is still cruising without regards to this stankin' blog. I'm backlogged through March. I'll get you up to speed asap.

This whole organized life thing sure isn't easy. I know why Peter Pan didn't want to grow up. It's not quite as fun.

I went to a birthday party for EGB's buddy Evan. There was no good entertainment other than kids rolling around on mats and barfing icing. So I put together my mid-80s Lotspeich routine and showed those little rugrats who's boss. I do Bar Mitzvahs too.

But this is really the moment you've been waiting for. EGB in all her glory at the dinner table. I don't know many 23 month olds that can rock like this. I can't even rock like this. EGB is cooler and smarter than me. I have to accept that and let her fly out of the nest to Hollywood. I can't keep up with this insanity. Check this video out. It may change your life. Or make you chase a dream or two. Or just cough a Cheerio through your nose. They're all interesting moments in life.

Dream on.

Email subscribers will have to go to the site to see the videos. It's Google's evil plan to take over your brain. It's ok. I approve.

Click it as needed--

www.bohrmanfamily.blogspot.com

Get Down With EGB

The American Idol in training. She's skipping the introductory rounds and going straight to the finale.

EGB demands farm animals, warm milk, and PB&J in her dressing room. We all know she's a diva.

But her magic in is her melody and pure pitch. She's being heavily recruited by several high school choirs. Like the protective dad that I am I'm making sure she's going to enjoy her childhood and get a job that pays some bills around her. I mean, damn, somebody gotta pay for the food that feeds those cheeks.

So turn the speakers up and let the awesome out. Here's....Beyonce-G-B.

Side note--

I feel sorry for that microphone--on the verge of being eaten at any second is a precarious way to go through life. I wonder if they have a union or anything. This is borderline microphone cruelty.

(For email recipients the video is on the blog. Click here.)

HEY!

Want some cereal?

EGB Wraps Up Month 22 and Hits Month 23 With Style

This is what March looked like--A semi-cranked out EGB riding the ebbs and flows of the 22nd month emotional tsunami and a tired-ass dad. There were mountain trips, skiing, sledding, eating, dancing, crying, capsized boats, invisibility cloaks, strobe lights, and water torture. It was a good month. It was all captured by the family historian and put into the vault for review. Upon review it will be shared with the world on a real large silver platter.

We're are now in the 23rd month which is mind blowing to think we've been at this whole parenting-child-rearing game for almost two years. Yes, it's a game. With winners and losers. The narrative entails the stories of bloodshed, tears, and weaponry. It's a serious game. Fortunately, the only way to win is to tickle. Laughter wins every time. Bohrman family happiness--1. Imminent threat of tantrum overide, Sartre's No Exit style--in eternal expectation of the torturer to arrive only to find out that we're here to torture each other, but when given the opportunity to leave we don't--0. Thank you for your help in our victory.

In the upcoming days you'll see the fruits of our victory. Pictures and videos to come. EGB skiing? Yep. At the park? You don't say. Punishing yogurt? All will be revealed.

The 23rd month has proven its readily available challenges....the era of "WANT". You thought it was "The world was your oyster"? Apparently, it's not. Your oyster is EGB's and so is your car, your dog, your children, your light saber. EGB is big on ownership mission which makes grocery shopping tough--within 30 minutes the cart is full of cookies, Fluff, anchovy paste, and meat tenderizer. We shop online now.

At this point EGB close to world domination via all your stuff and your neighbors stuff too. According to my sources this is normal as one needs to learn ownership prior to understanding sharing (not a lot of that going on around here). That makes sense except that there is serious underground war going on amongst the 23-month-olds across the globe over a lot of objects. It can be violent, so I tend to close my eyes.

The underground warrior and her captor for the day. It's a tense moment in a tranquil environment.

I don't trust any of your friends Papa. Who's that over there telling me to eat a waffle? I don't trust waffle people. I'm a pancake girl.

Geez, is it naptime yet. This photo shoot is getting old. Like you--old Dad. These pictures are repetitive. That's cool. I like repetition. I do. I do. I do. I do. Doo-doo. ha.

"Better Off Sled"

The 1985-ish seminal flick, "Better Off Dead", has nothing on what you're about to see. Yes, there was a duo....like the Korean brother who spoke no English and the other learned English from Howard Cosell. In the EGB flick you'll see two "sisters-- one speaks Jive and the other speaks in Cheese. I don't speak either so I didn't really follow the movie.

The videos are directly on the blog for those who can't find them.....they're hiding from you.

I was wondering why EGB and Sidney were asking for Crisco earlier in the day......they was doin' some greasin' for the hill. Slick it up.

Apparently going for a sled with Papa D is like a walk in the park. EGB doesn't seem that entertained.

Jewish Pirates

My sister, aka Auntie Rebecca Rebel Reb, one of the great researchers of our time, sent me an amazing news story that sent me on an Internet wave. It's true, she's up there with Steven Hawking and....and.....well, that's about the extent of my researcher knowledge. I'm not sure what Mr. Hawking researches other than I think he's trying to find the end of the universe with a pencil. Auntie RRR has a similar goal to find the end of the Internet via her laptop. Last I heard she only has 5 billion pages to go. If you need to find anything about anything--go to Auntie RRR, knock on the door twice, flash your lights once, and tell her Large Marge sent you. Rebecca's Tips will answer.

Mark my words. Soon you won't Google anything. You'll just "Rebecca" it.

Back to the matter at hand. Jewish Pirates. Jamaican Jewish Reggae Pirates. I woke up feeling a bit down, dreary, and sluggish. Then the email came. Like a golden plate of perfectly cooked barbecue after a few beers on a Saturday evening with the sunset casting over the day. Subject heading--"Jewish Pirates". I clicked the article link (click here if you want to see for yourself). The title popped up--"Jamaica's New Tourism Spiel: Beaches and Reggae and Jews. For those of you that know a bit of my history know that I did some time on the radio in Vermont as a DJ for a reggae show. So, naturally, I thought Researcher Rebecca had found an article in the Wall Street Journal about me. I mean I was a Jewish reggae pirate near a beach. A Vermont lake beach, but a beach nonetheless. I dove a little further into the article and realized that it wasn't directly about me. However, I learned a thing or two.

"Jamaica....was once home to a Jewish pirate named Moses.." Now things are starting to make sense. I always wondered how he did all that stuff with the Red Sea. Parting it. Leading people across it and all. He was a pirate. I guess pirates can do that sort of thing.

So I started looking into other Jewish Pirates. A few of my friends could possibly fit the bill. But they're more like metaphorical pirates. You know the kind--crack their teeth on liquor bottles at parties, attempt to kick ceilings, yell at kids at baseball games, take their shirts off at the wrong time.....generally, the type that should be forced to wear a helmet after midnight. They have day jobs. I know those pirates. I'm looking for real Jewish Pirates. The kind that would take down a whole bottle of Manischewitz in one slug when the water supply is scarce. The type that turns matzoh balls into grenades. The kind that could take a Bar Mitzvah party and the hired magician down with a chocolate fountain. I researched and researched. I found only 2 more in the world. Total=3 real Jewish Pirates in history.

Exhibit 1:

Steve Lieberman, The Gangsta Rabbi. He plays a flute and sells albums here on Amazon.com. He must be a feared and considered dangerous. My fight or flight response kicked in immediately upon viewing his picture. My ears bled when listening to his songs. He's lethal and will eat your children. If seen and he plays his flute--you have 15 minutes before your entire village is wiped out.

Exhibit 2:

This one was not surprising once I located her. She was right under my nose the entire time. EGB. She's young and new on the pirate scene, but making her mark quickly. She drinks milk all day long. Cows fear her. Diapers fear her. She'll hit you below the belt. She bathes in a wooden boat. She's our pirate. If you see her anywhere without her parents--you have 15 minutes before your brain will be vaporized by her crayons (and tell her to get her diaper butt home before dark).