Celebrate The 100th Entry

It's time to celebrate the 100th blog entry for the EGB blog. We've yet to win any awards, but we'll write 1,000 more until we get some recognition around here. If there is a blog of the year award, we deserve it just for the EGB cuteness alone. Then if you throw in her magical eyes that can tame lions--forget about it.....she can bring peace in the Middle East if Hillary Clinton would just take her along. I'm just sayin'.

In doing the math--100 blog entries in 365 days=a lot. So there. We've done a lot of blogging and have a lot of memories to look back on. We'll be doing a year retrospective next week....stay tuned.

The 100th entry is quite fitting as EGB comes up on her 1st birthday this Sunday the 31st. We are having a blowout in a park in Colorado that you're all invited to. That is if you like hamburgers, whiskey, swingsets, cake, giants, and formula. Since this is 90% of you--you'd have a good time. But, wow, 1 year....a lot can happen. We've all grown and will continue to grow. Thanks for sharing a little bit of you with a little bit of us.

There is a glut of material that's been stockpiled in the ultra-secure data storage center, aka the basement, that needs to be shared with you all, but for now we'll just start with our recent visit to the creek.

To 100 more....cheers.

There are 7,439 pictures of me on the Internet and I'm still not a star. That's ludicrous. I'm getting a new agent. Papa, you're fired!

I hate grass. It hurts my sensitive skin. I've got a whole blog entry coming up about my dislike of the green spears. Please hold me.

Grass doesn't even taste good. I'll karate chop it. Hi-ya. Die grass.
Silly bears. Why you kisssin' each other? Kiss me. I'm kisssable.
Arrr. I'm a Pioneer on the frontier. Call me Ellie Crockett. Where's the gold?

Hey! Hey! Hey!

It's Friiiiidayyyy!

Look it's Big Red Riding Hood and The Little Bad Wolf.....There's more to the story, as there always is.

To be continued.........

A Day In The Life of The EGB

First of all, I caught EGB on my computer again. This time she was shopping for plane tickets to the Caribbean. I asked her why she wanted to go to the islands and not stay in solitary confinement in Colorado. She said she wants to further her swimming experiences in tropical waters. A fair response, but contrary to the credit card companys' predatory wishes, she's yet to own her own card. So no EGB-planned vacations as of yet...unless you consider crawling around the house attempting to dunk your head in the toilet a vacation--if so, she's been on vacation for a few months.

Secondly, yesterday was Mother's Day, which means Mothers everywhere were lavished with praise, love, champagne, food, chocolate, sun, mosquitoes, bicycles, whatever. Mother's Day-- a well deserved special day for you. Mothers, my hat is off to you. You somehow know things that Daddies never will--hereby saving our behinds from pending parenthood disasters daily. Without you we'd be feeding babies pop and hot dogs, surfing the web for how to diaper, likely in E.R. more often, and generally miserable and even grumpier without you.

To The Dairy Queen and the moms in my life. We love you and are eternally grateful for your sacrifice for us as babies and as fathers (not much difference between the two). You are our rock. EGB says in her special Mother's Day shout out, "hi, hi, hi, dog-gie, dada, nana, nana, hi, hi" which translates to, "Thankfully the stars and moon aligned themselves to end up in this wild monkey chamber with you as my mom. Plus you can sing real good, which makes me the envy of my classmates whose mamas sing like dogs in heat."

The other day I decided to kick open the bedroom door with a camera and lights to see what EGB was really up to. Hence the following picture....

Doh! Papa! I'm just dancin waiting for you to play with me.

Calvin the Orange Ganster and I are ready to be taken out of captivity to run free in the wild. Grab your keys and let's go!
Calvin says, "Owwoooooo." Which means, "Yeah, what the little meat face said."
EGB says, "Who you callin' meat face? Cow breath fur stank!"
Oops threw all my toys out of my cage.
Gimme those toyyyyyssss. By the way, my name is on the wall in case I forget. The other day, I could have sworn my name was Shelly. Thank goodness for my wall name-sign to avoid the confusion.

Whoot! Whoot!

Heyyyyyyyyyyyy!  It's Fridaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!

I'm soooo ready for the weekend.  Let's par-tay.  I got cheese and peas--who's comin' over?

It's EGB. I've Hijacked MY Blog

Hey all it's EGB. My Dad has been busy doing whatever Dads do. He-He -He...I said do. Doo doo. Doo dee doo doo. Doody. Doooooodiiieeeeeee!

I'm not sure what he's been doing. But I know he's busy. So I'm going to grab the bull by the ankle and do this blog thing. I've been busy too, ya know. I learned how to say a new word, "sock". I'm not sure what it means, but Dad and Dom think it's funny. So I'll continue to entertain them.

Sometimes I think they had me just to be their clown. I'm really OK with it. I mean, I AM funny...I look like a pirate...and am a relatively good investment. With the way economic things are these days--I'm a sure thing. I'm guaranteed to make people smile and I have special powers that allow me to part oceans. I think that's worth it. Who knows, in some years down the road, I could invent something or grow some hair and be an actress--then I could start padding the 401k. But for now all I have is smiles and drool. Mom and Dad say that's the best gift of all....so I'm gonna keep smiling and drooling--and doo doo-ing (to mix it up).

Until next time.....here's some pictures of me, of course.


Me and my friend Ella. We have similar names and a similar appetite for destruction. One time me and Ella took a roll of aluminum foil, wrapped ourselves up, and burnt people in the sun. Another time Ella and I went grocery shopping and hid in the meat display. Some wishful mom asked how much we were a pound. The deli guy didn't know so he asked the manager who said we were on sale. I spit on him.
When me and all my girls get together we establish chaos immediately.

Me on the beach in my swim suit. I can swim now. Been taking lessons for 2 months which means my friends call me Michelle Phelps. Part fish.
Ummm. Where is everyone. That big frog is making me pee.
Rule #1 when swimming. Look good. Check.

Mama's gone. I'm A Bunny.

Hey there.

Sorry about the delay, but I had a finger problem that made typing on a keyboard slower than a line at the DMV.  Ok not that slow, but it hurt.  I'm back and I'm typing with a vengeance.

So where were we?  Yes, the 10 month old, I know, I can't believe it either-10 months.  It seems like just yesterday that EGB was crawling around and I was changing her diaper.  Actually that was yesterday, but you know what I mean.  Now she has 3 curls on the back of her head and can say 4 English words--Dada, kitty, Hi, and doggie.  I'm almost positive that all the other intelligible sounds that come out of her mouth are some variation of Indian or an ancient language of some sort.  Which is unfortunate, as I'd like to give her more credit for more words, but I just don't understand all the languages she speaks.  Must be difficult being 10 months old and smarter than your parents.  She's just going to have to dumb it down for us.

By the way, she stood up yesterday unassisted for the first time.  It seems like it was an accident.  She grabbed a Kleenex box and yanked it off the table.  In the process of being enamoured with the tissues and how they stuff them all in this little box--she was just standing there freely.  In my excitement I started clapping, EGB fell over, started crying, then I started crying, then the garbage fell over, then the cat meowed and took a nap, and then the dog passed gas...and we all laughed about it later over warm milk and Cheerios.

So the Dairy Queen took a leave of absence for a weekend and left the Man of The House (self-delegated moniker as all other domestic cohabitants tend to laugh at me behind my back and don't like to be seen in public with me) to fend off evil diaper pirates with the EGB.  We were successful in multiple things--house didn't burn down, called mama ONLY 6 times an hour, survived a snowstorm, didn't run out of diapers or milk, drank all the beer in the house, made it to our swim lesson on-time, and were not invaded by the evil spirits that wake babies up at night and mess up my beauty sleep.

It was a success for all.  The Dairy Queen came home with a recharged battery....and EGB was thoroughly impressed with my performance and said she'd welcome the opportunity to spend a weekend with just me again.  

I'm happy.   Mere survival is a great measure of success as a new father.

Trying to set up a picture of the two of us proved to be difficult.  Papa you crazy.

Um.  What are you thinking Papa!?! I'm so telling Mama on you.  I mean, I'm like super little and you just leave me in the snow.  You're gonna get it.  Pick me up nowwwwwww!
This snow stuff is kinda stupid.  I'm all wrapped up in this bunny suit with no hands or feet--now what?
Oh no.  I'm not going out there again.  I'm mesmerized.
I'm a bunny.  Not Easter bunny...those are big and white.  I'm little and pink.  

Side note--maybe I'm biased--actually I am, but if this isn't the cutest picture of a baby in the world (sorry all other babies--you're cute, but not brain-vaporizing cute) I don't know what is. Could we win some kind of award or contest with this one or what?