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Monday, November 8, 2010


EGB is 29 months.  That's almost 30 electric bills. Years, months, it all just blends together like one big chunky smoothie.  The kind with ice cream, beef, and bread all together.  The reflection is a mix of sweet, rich, and comfort.  It flies by.  I still remember being 16, eating lunch on the steps of Walnut Hills, and dodging a flying yogurt--like it was yesterday.  I'm moving on from this point....I just referenced a beef milkshake.  The fact is that we're all getting older. And it's all weird.

So yeah. I know, it's now November and basically Winter is on the prowl and I still have to get you the Fall updates.  Halloween.  Hikes. Toddler developments.  Cousin additions. It's all there and here and coming at you eventually.

But sometimes something happens in the present that supersedes all of the past as to just override it.  I guess that's the way it is for all of us sometimes.  The art of slowly playing catch up helps alleviate the burden of a past gone without reflection.  And sometimes it just has to be that way.  Going forward we may not remember it all, but carry it with us in the corners of our actions somehow.  And sometimes you just write words about doing things in hopes that in doing so you actually somehow do something.  All I know is that I feel a little better for doing it and that's all that counts.  So I do my best to slow it all down.

Back to the present. I'm not sure if it gets better than what you're about to see. I mean, eating a sandwich with EGB for the first time was pretty cool.  And sure EGB's first steps were earth shattering, but the upcoming video is the top.  I'm talking Everest.  Not some lame-ass base-camp-hot-cocoa drinking moment either.  No.  This is when a human does something that takes it to the heights.  Like Sonya "Black Widow" Thomas' ate 9.75 pounds of fried okra in 10 minutes (website equally impressive in it's awfulness greatness). That was pretty great.  Not this type of great great.

By the way, I just Googled "greatness" to see where EGB shows up.  I couldn't find her listing on the first page, so I'm writing a letter to Google to let them know that their search algorithm is obviously fatally flawed and should be outed as a fraud.  I will no longer trust Google to find anything of value.  I discussed this finding with EGB and she simply told me:

"Papa D, I never have had to use Google because I already know where and what everything is in the world."

"Really, hmm.  Ok, then where is the remote island of Trisan da Cunha?"

"It doesn't matter." ambivalently said EGB while stacking some blocks.

"But you said you know where everything is."

"Yes I did.  But I don't need to know where it is.  I know there are unknowns.  I know there are mysteries.  I know that we search for things we'll never find.  And I know that words have limitations. This Google you speak of will fall short as well. So yes, your mentioned island is somewhere to be listed.  But these serious matters of yours are of no consequence to me or any of us.  I'm hungry.  Can I have a snack?"

"Hm.  Makes sense.  I guess I'll just have to "EGB" everything from now on.  Google ain't got nothing on you my little search engine."  I said as I proceeded to kiss her on her sweaty afro.

So last night I EGB'd what to have for dinner and she printed a sloppy joe recipe out of her diaper.  It works.  It was wild. And quite a nice recipe too.

Wow, this daylight saving time is making my head a little jacked up.  I tried to explain the whole daylight saving time thing to EGB and basically realized that it doesn't matter either.  EGB is a good teacher like that.  They all are.  The little princes and princesses among us would rule the earth if they just didn't grow up and get dumber like the rest of us.

Ok. I know. Ok, let's get to it.

I know kids are cute.  Your kids are cute.  We all think we have some special thing going on.  But dammit EGB needs an agent...STAT.  Peep this and tell me this isn't the most kick ass thing you've ever seen.  This is it.  The top.  If EGB doesn't win something or get a contract from this I'm out.  I'm done.  Burning my computer and lighting my underwear on fire.

So here we go! We getting paid.  Turn it up and break out the Henny cause we gonna party with helicopters and R. Kelly. Stay tuned.

(I always forget this one.  If you are an email subscriber you'll have to go directly to the blog to see this video golden nugget of fame blazing the trail for 2-year-olds all over the universe)

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