Hey, Where Did Everybody Go?

Ok. I haven't gone Carolina yet. However, EGB and D-Queen took off last Saturday. They left me here until tomorrow.

It's weird around here. By weird, I mean it's just me. That's weird. For example, right now I'm sitting in my basement at 5:30 AM with the I-Tunes cranking, a button down on--only buttoned at the top, boxers, and two mismatched socks (one of which I wore yesterday). There are dishes in the sink....obviously mine. Next to me is my ratty dog, fat cat, and an empty camouflage (hunting version) Miller High Life can which has doubled as my water bottle for two days.

Yesterday, I came home from work. Ate 1/4 of a leftover burrito from Saturday, took a bite out of some chicken in the fridge, and looked in the pantry at least 300 times before 6 PM. I opened the fridge door every time I walked by. I spent the next hour debating whether to order pizza or eat leftovers. Then I realized that I had pizza for lunch so I went to a buffet by myself. For the record, if you ever want to feel weirder then you already feel--go to a buffet by yourself. It's entertaining, scary, maddening, and hilariously elating (in a Dr. Strangelove kind of way). I don't recommend it unless you want to want to be up all night with visions of Chud-like steam tables with attacking mashed potatoes with a sidekick of over-gelatinous mac-and-cheese.

Maybe that's all not so weird to you. But to me, there is a chaotic orderly-ness about life post-EGB. There is a constant gravitational pull to the life of EGB that forces us stay in the orbital universe of toddler-dom. There is no escape. Not in a harrowing Sartre way--more like you're trapped in a modified Chuck-E-Cheese with an open bar, good pizza, endless crispy fries, friends abound, and all the non-stop bleeps, beeps, and farts of games and children. It's constant. It's always entertaining. But escapes have to be calculated and planned......and you never really can leave the building.

In reality being here without EGB and DQ just didn't feel right. There was a sense of anxiety about the whole thing. How was I to maximize this free time? Should I write a book? Or watch a movie? Eat something else? Go running? Read? Pet the neglected dog? The "freedom" is maddening. Everything I did was shrouded by the thoughts that I could be doing something more free. The daydreams of blissfully being productive in all the projects/activities/events that I had neglected over the past 17 months never manifested. I thought I'd be much cooler about the whole thing. I wasn't. I basically swept the floor, ate food, and thought about the next call I could make to hear the missed pip-squeaks of EGB. It was like the pause button was hit on life.

Welcome to my head.

Actually, it wasn't so bad. I got to hang with some old friends. Eat leisurely meals. Watch uninterrupted football. Go for runs in the mountains without time constraints. It all zips by anyways. But most importantly, I realized the hum (and sometimes bang) of life with EGB and DQ is the sound that keeps me inspired and alive.

I'm ready to go make some noise. I'm ready to see EGB and DQ.

Happy Thanksgiving to all. We are very thankful. We are soon to be full. And we are all, all that we have. So thanks for being in our world.

Cue the beats....It's picture time.

This is my snow outfit. It only takes 4 days to put it on. Usually the snow is gone by then. This is dumb.

This is my French scarf. I love the French. They have coffee breath, but good toast.

Me and Nanna hangin.

It's a perfect world where animals frolic in the sun. EGB is coming to bring peace to your world soon.

Gone Carolina

Good Friziyday (Friday for the unitiated).

Last weekend was a great time with Nana and Poppa....including a snowstorm and EGB's insistence on everyone yelling "butterfly" at least 600 times in the multiple readings of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar". Actually EGB's yelling of "butterfly" was closer to "butt-fly!!!!!!" I'm not sure what a butt-fly is, but I'm pretty sure I don't want 'em. One of these days, I'm going to have to create a translation dictionary for those that spend time with the EGB. It's like a U.N. convention around here. I'm pretty sure she was speaking html yesterday. I didn't even know you could do that.

Again, thanks again to Nana and Poppa for being with all us crazy kids.

Up next is making way for Carolina......if we don't talk before then, Happy Thanksgiving and I hope you get turkey on your socks.....

"In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine
Can't you just feel the moonshine
Ain't it just like a friend of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes I'm gone to Carolina in my mind
Gone to Carolina in my mind
Then I'm on to Carolina in my mind
Gone to Carolina in my mind
Gone - I'm gone - I'm gone
Say nice things about me"

You don't have to say nice things. But it'd be nice if you did.

It's Friday!!!!

Bring on the weekend. I hope it finds you in an abandoned school with extra toys and free reign of the playground.

No rules.

Oops

Don't know why but the video didn't attach to the last post. If you'd like to see the legendary Ellie Stringbean, go directly to the blog.

http://www.bohrmanfamily.blogspot.com/

And what's a post without a picture?

Oldie but goody. A genetically modified lamb for parts of the world that really like oversized lamb cheeks.

Ellie Stringbean Springsteen In Action

For those that want more. I know you do. Check out the live performance of Ellie Stringbean. We've got to tighten up her act. She's putting the dogs to sleep......However, the ending where she tries to channel her inner Pete Townsend was quite a monumental breakthrough in here development.

The Rocker at work.....don't delete--this may be worth money someday. Note Calvin--her number 1 fan.

What Happened Next To Last Thing That Happened

We are working backwards here. Going forward in real time.....backwards in blogtime. Think of it this way--you're walking in a forest. You come across a talking cow eating a hamburger. Cows don't live in the forest. Cows don't talk. I don't think cows like hamburgers--that's a bit sordid. Get it? No? Me neither. It's like a David Lynch movie in your brain. Welcome to my life.

Before Halloween, we had snow. Lots of snow. So much snow that the first snow on the bottom of all the other snow was like, "Damn, I'm trapped. I wish you'd get off of me."

Evidence. The yard.

Actually there was so much snow that EGB's university cancelled for the day. That's a big deal. Not so much for the university, but for the EGB.....she was to give her molecular biology presentation that day. She tried to practice for me, but it brought back all kinds of repressed memories of high school chemistry. [screen goes blurry just like the flashbacks in the movies]

It was a pleasant fall day in Mrs. Chow's chemistry class. However, the weather was the only pleasant thing around. 25 miscreants....actually make that 24--I was the choir boy wrangling in the miscreants (my parents are reading this). There was a squad of split frogs that had sacrificed their lives in the name of high school science. That's a pretty low order.....college is one thing, but high school? These were weak link frogs. Frogs that got picked last in Frogger. Guaranteed to get squashed by the first car across the screen. Frogs that had legs that didn't even taste like chicken. They tasted like frogs.

Anyway, it was our job to take out the organs of fermented frogs. Still to this day, I'm not sure why. I mean I don't have much to learn from a frog kidney. I'm human, not frog. Even if I was frog, I wouldn't be down with frog kidneys. Just show me a picture. I'll get it. As you can see I was a resistant scientist. I didn't really have it in me to cut up formerly living things that smell like old pickles. I'd rather read a book.

What happened next was mind-blowing. Mrs. Chow turns around and my dissection partner who looked like Sloth from Goonies threw our frog out of a 3rd story window. Funny?-yes. Dumb?- super yes. The rest of the class obviously still had their very dead frogs.....we didn't. That presented a rather large issue when Mrs. Chow walked around to see how our frog was doing.

"Where is your frog?!?!?!" said Mrs. Chow.

"He jumped out of the window" said Sloth.

Ok....maybe that wasn't such a bad memory, but EGB's presentation was dragging on and I wasn't really having that much fun. So I told her that her presentation was the best that I'd ever seen and that school was cancelled. She was immediately disappointed that the university was to close on her big day, but got over it rather quickly when I said I had to stay home too. That can only mean one thing.......party time.

First rule of order. Check out snow.

Since we had over 25 inches of snow and EGB isn't many more inches above that we decided to play AROUND the snow. My one order from the Dairy Queen that day was to not lose EGB. With 25 inches of snow I wasn't taking any chances. Plus EGB didn't have snow pants. Who thinks of 25 inches of snow in October? Eskimos?-Yes. Me?-No.

The Conquistador requested what all 16 month olds request in a big snow storm....wear magic slippers, of course. Forget my warnings--this child was wearing those slips.

Gloves? Check. Hat with kickball on top? Check.

I'm gonna touch this stuff.

That's not so bad. Snow is allright.
Dang. That's a lot of snow. Is that Stacey walking down the street? What's up girl! How'd you get out? Call me.

Ok, so now we got the snow exhibit completed and were successful in no major losses or damages. The Commissioner aka Dairy Momma will be pleased. What's next to do? Costumes, of course. Halloween is just days away and no costume in sight. Up first......

Ellie G. That got nixed early.

Tourist? Nope.
The Accessorized Gladiator? You serious?

Ellie Urkel? This is dumb.

Gloria the Extravagant? Maybe.
Ellie Springsteen! Oh yes! Born In Wheat Ridge!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The resemblance is there......for sure. We got a real rocker on our hands. EGB will be the champion of the little man in Golden.